Friday 3 August 2018

03/08/2018; 21:51

I decided to create this blog as a means of catharsis, to get my voice out, and realise my passion that has always been writing. After a year and a half of not picking up either pen, paper, pencil, or laptop, I felt as if I was adrift at sea, waiting hopelessly for someone to rescue me from the choppy, infinite, waves. I realised after sometime of waiting for someone to come out, I had to be the one to rescue myself and paddle to shore, find civilisation again. Things have been so hard lately, with escaping one abusive family to crawl into another hole that I didn't expect, actually dealing with adulthood and the crushing nihilism that working full-time in a call centre brings, dealing with how awful men can be, and realising that I'm not as unattractive as I feel.

It can all be a mess at times, feeling like I'm out of control in my life... It's one of my main insecurities and the worst one that I can't ever conquer. It's one of the main reasons why relationships and I don't work out among many other things. You give someone else the reins over you and you are out of control in whether you survive in a relationship or die in the process. Talk about another situation that I don't want to deal with if I can help it.

In a way, I feel like I was born to suffer, like that's all I've ever done and will ever be good for. It's a repetitive cycle, the out of control feeling I get, the constant tiredness, dealing with men who aren't good for me, never taking care of myself, fending off the constant voices telling me I'm not good enough while fighting to control the image of myself that I feel is perfect... I hope one day to get out of it, wake up one day with the man or woman of my dreams, traveling all around the world, us indulging in our passions, and me looking back at this post years later, wondering what I ever had to feel sorry and melancholy about myself for.

But until then, I suffer, suffer, suffer...

A Welcome

Welcome to my blog, which will be my personal catharsis and ways of spilling out my thoughts, poetry, writing, and whatever I can think of!

03/08/2018; 21:51

I decided to create this blog as a means of catharsis, to get my voice out, and realise my passion that has always been writing. After a yea...